So how do you fart in an elevator or at a movie, or while you’re just out on a date or out with pals? Here’s a complete guide to farting in public without ever getting caught

Seen as a dirty part of human nature, people around you react furiously when you let one rip. But fret not, we know how to make you release the wind in the willows without anybody noticing!

Let it Rip

Don’t be afraid to let it rip anywhere, anytime. Chances are if it’s in a public place with loads of people around, all heads will be turning at each other in suspicion. You must do the same. Act normal, and let the smell intoxicate the zone around you. Remember, the fart is your oyster.

Slowly release the tension, but try to let it coincide with any noises around you so you can sneak it in. No one will notice it if there are noises around. Just remember, a fart is your ass’s way of saying ‘Hi’ when you forget it’s there.

Face Off

The most important part about farting is preventing anybody from seeing you do that hard-to-avoid facial expression upon release. Instead, release it naturally, and the moment you see someone else with a disgusted face, you must express disgust, subtly. It shouldn’t be a case of you noticing the fart first. In most cases, whoever detected it, ejected it.

Firstly, wait for others around you to sniff a little. Once you see they have their faces in disgust, it’s up to you to react too. This is your cue. Slowly, screw up your face and put your index and thumb finger up to your nostrils. This will show your disgust and will instantly prove your innocence. While the others are sniffing it in, look around you, and if you have time for a second passing of air, do it, but make sure you don’t bend your knees as if you’re trying to shit it out. Just let it go easily.

Chain Reaction

Now that you’ve shown your disapproval, look around you and without pointing fingers per se, instead look at someone that looks like a farter, in disgust. The likelihood is that all others will look towards this person too. You need to be the ‘adult’ here. Lead others away from the act as if you’re a fireman on duty. Your leadership skills will be rewarded with glances of praise for your skill in dealing with the crime. At this point try not to release any more. Keep these in reserve for your next step, walking away.

Walk the Line

Slowly, but in calculated fashion, walk confidently away from the scene of the crime and take out your mobile to show you’re a busy person who doesn’t have time for all this farting about. Your walk should be cool, like you’re on the Paris catwalk. If you want to release again, say something loud on the phone, and release at that moment. The sound of your voice and the sound of your fart will coincide perfectly. You really are the Godfarter…

Wherever you may be, let your wind pass free

Swimming pools are always a good bet, even though bubbles will rise when you let it go. You can just flap your hands around when the bubbles rise indicating that the bubbles are a result of your hand waves and not your arse tremors.

If you need to let one go in the cinema, do it. With Dolby Surround Sound fitted into most cinemas, any scene usually has music or loud moments. Be opportunistic and release when the time is right. The only problem is you’ll have issues when the smell rises around you. Don’t worry though, it’s dark, nobody can point the finger. And even if they do, others can’t see.

Playing sports is always a good way to fart in public, especially with any sports involving running. Nobody can notice it because the adrenalin takes away anybody’s sense of noticing such an act. Just don’t fart if you’re playing wrestling, chess, or snooker. This would be disastrous and embarrassing.

Covert Farting Techniques!

• Cough loudly when you fart.
• Act cool and suave, as if you would never fart.
• Fart when dressed smartly. Chances are, you don’t fart compared to someone in jeans and sneakers.
• If on a date, let it be silent but violent. And go blaming it on the waiter while he poured the wine.
• If in a meeting, let it out. But use the ‘squeaky chair’ you’re sitting on as an excuse.

Now go share your fragrances with the world, oh Godfarter!

TIPS THAT YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND STILL LOVES YOU

There can be a lot of mixed messages being bandied back and forth if you are still in contact with your ex. He may tell you that he just wants to be friends with you or even worse he may tell that he needs space. It’s very hard to judge what he is thinking or feeling exactly. And what makes it even harder is that you still have strong feelings for him. You need to be aware of the signs that he still loves you if you want him back in your life. In this way, you will have an insight into whether or not he’s hoping for a reunion.

A good sign that he has still strong feelings for you is that when friends or family tells you that your ex boyfriend still asks often about you. In most cases, when the relationship ends both people moved on forward with their lives. Just don’t take an initiative like having a mutual friend bring you up in a conversation with him. Just wait and see if he is the one doing the inquiring.

Another sign is that if he shows that he genuinely is sorry for wrong things he has done for you. If the reason of the breakup is something that he has done wrong, then he will make sure that you will forgive him and be back again with him. It will not end with a simple apology but also he will do it through his actions. Actions like showing you how he has changed and showing respect on your decisions and suggestions. It displays his desire to change for you not just an indication of his remorse.

If your ex boyfriend still love you, then he will often talk on how he would do things differently if given a second chance. He will be telling you how he thinks on how wonderful his future would be with you. He is hoping for reconciliation when he is eluding those conversations with you.

It can make a world of difference when a person we loved and the broke up with displays their deep adoration for us. There are things to ensure the reunion between you and you’re your ex boyfriend if you still see the man you love when look at him. Women can take conscious steps if they want their boyfriends back.

ANGELINA JOLIE – ON HER LATEST ACTION MOVIE

If you’re expecting a taut thriller with a super sexy Angelina Jolie kicking butt, you can let that vision go.  What ‘Salt’ is – is Angelina at her kick ass best and leaving the concept of sexiness in the rear view mirror.  In fact, aside from the sexy split skirt she sports in the opening interrogation scene, there isn’t another single memorable portion of the film that highlights or even accessorizes with her looks.  Therein lies the genius of making a great suspense-thriller; put your best looking offering in the role (which was offered first to Tom Cruise), and let the story and action work for itself.

Angelina Jolie (Gia, Hackers) portrays Evelyn Salt, a sharp-as-a-tack CIA officer who at the end of her shift wants nothing more than to get home to her husband and celebrate their first anniversary when fate, in the form of a covert Russian spy, derails her life and brings her to grips with her true self, her true identity, and more importantly – her purpose for existing.  The Russian spy, Orlov (played very eerily and almost David Koresh cult-like by Daniel Olbrychski), plants the idea to Salt and her CIA colleagues that she is a Russian spy whose mission is to kill the Russian President.  The notion of Salt actually being an enemy of The State should be foreign to her CIA pals, but Orlov’s story echoes elements of truth and is intermixed with tales of a top secret Russian program to create ‘sleepers’ like Salt whose job is to infiltrate the highest ranks of US government and wait for a ‘calling to strike.’  And strike she does!  From her daring escape away from CIA custody (this is a 10 story federal building mind you), to an intricate execution of a bombing to ensnare a target, Salt plays no games and takes no prisoners.  Watching this film, I started to grow resentful of the condition of U.S. anti-terror and national security operations.  Our best and brightest fall like dominoes to a single Russian spy.  Salt manages to get into places and escape from situations that are next to impossible and our government efforts to stop her made us look like ‘monkeys f$cking a football.’  It’s okay to run amok while our operatives chase, but escaping custody and capture every single time..geez.

Salt’s ‘Whodini’ act aside, an impressive standout in this film is Liev Schreiber (Kate & Leopold, X-Men Origins-Wolverine), who portrays Salt’s boss Ted Winter.  Screenwriter Kurt Wimmer (Equilibrium) deserves most of the credit for the dialogue, but Liev’s style makes the sharp wit and commanding presence of the character really play well.  Hats off to one of my favorite spy-thriller Director’s, Phillip Noyce (PatriotGames , The Saint).  With Salt, he was given a wider range than just the crisp thriller – this time he got continuous action sequences and performed admirably.  The frame work of Salt’s escape from NYPD’s finest was a real rush.  While on the subject, why would the U.S. government allow the NYPD to cuff and transport one of the wiliest covert operatives?  It doesn’t take an early screening of the film for you to know how that perp ride is going to end.

Still, what makes Salt enjoyable is not just the film being an adrenaline ride; it’s the attention to detail present throughout the movie and even in the characters.  As each character is discovered by the audience, you start to become suspicious of everyone you see.  If the secret Russian program has spies planted in the U.S. from the ages of 3 and up – almost anyone could be a sleeper and not know it.  Every person you meet could be an ally or an adversary and I confess, I was guessing throughout the film and enjoying discovering who was and who wasn’t.  The detail doesn’t stop at characters – it extends to production design.  The scenes involving the White House were some of the most intricate and explorative views I’ve ever witnessed on screen.  At one point you’ll see 3 of the top side levels (with individual rooms) and a sub-level that you’ve only heard about in conspiracy theories.   I questioned how the filmmakers got that level of detail; private access to shoot in the White House (schaa…as if!), or most likely liberties taken from sketches allowed during public tours.

‘Salt’ won’t redefine Jolie’s career, and it won’t be known as one of her sexy thrillers, but it will keep her viable as an action star – and box office willing, will spawn Salt 2 which is clearly a hole left open at the films conclusion.  Go see it to watch a great escape artist and a cunning covert operative work and you’ll be pleasantly satisfied.   After you’ve exhaled from the finale and walk towards the theater exit – ask yourself, what happened to Evelyn’s dog?

“From the moment you get up in the morning, up to the moment that you go back to sleep, constantly imagine that you are smiling inwardly at your outer reality as you go about your daily activities.

“Imagine that you are smiling from the deeper recesses of your mind, originating from within your heart area, and that you are projecting that happiness and smile outward through your eyes and expression. No matter what the circumstances are. You will find that your eyes will be constantly smiling and so will your mouth, which will often curl up into a slight smile.

“Keep focusing constantly on that act until it becomes automatic and second nature to you. At the same time imagine that your heart constantly expresses a great inward smile, filled with pure joy of being alive, no matter what.

“Notice how people will seek your presence and inner ‘Love.’ After two weeks or so, you will notice an incredible amount of changes, not only in the way you interact with the “outside” world, but also in how the ‘world’ acts and projects reality toward you.

“Your fears will begin to abate and an inner feeling of peace and love will emerge. Fear will stop having a grip on you. Done for regular periods of three weeks at a time, this exercise alone can change anyone’s life dramatically at all levels.”

ARE YOU REALLY READY FOR SEX?

1. You Know All the Risks

Pregnancy is the risk you might think of first, but there’s a whole slew of ugly diseases that sex puts you at risk for.

Is Your Boyfriend or Husband Cheating You?

Why men cheat on women is an age-old question. The reasons why men cheat on women can be varied. Nevertheless, we have compiled a list of the top ten reasons why both married and unmarried men cheat. Sometimes their reasons don’t even involve you and it’s simply an ego-based decision. Other times, reasons why men cheat can involve you and your relationship, or lack thereof.

So why do some men cheat in relationships? Almost all men know that cheating is wrong, yet many they still do it. Men will blame their reasons for cheating on their genes and their necessity to reproduce. However, aren’t we suppose to be further evolved than a chimp? Shouldn’t we be able to control our bodies through our minds and conscious decisions? Apparently not always.

Here are the top ten reasons why men cheat:

1. Because they had the option.
The old saying “men are only as faithful as their options” can sometimes ring true. Men don’t get offered sex as often as women so when the opportunity does arise, it can be very difficult for them to turn it down.

2. It boosts their ego.
Sometimes men no longer feel like they are attractive to the opposite sex and when a woman shows some interest, not only does a man react, he may allow her to stroke his ego and more. There is nothing like the thrill of the chase to men on the hunt. When they are finally rewarded for their efforts, their egos swell even larger.

3. You grow apart.
Maybe the two of you didn’t have as much in common as you thought. He’s met a woman who has more in common with him who loves football or plays golf. He may check out if he is compatible with her under the sheets also.

4. You argue a lot.
Men will sometimes cheat to get away from an overly critical or argumentative partner. Who wants to be around someone who is constantly on them about something.

5. They have fallen out of love.
Sometimes men become so comfortable in a relationship, they don’t know how to get out. They may be staying in the relationship because of children or financial reasons. However, they feel like they are missing out on love and may seek it out elsewhere. In their mind, this is as close to win-win as they can get.

6. Your sex life stinks.
If a man has a disinterested partner or isn’t getting enough sex to fulfill him, there is a good chance he will have an affair. Just because you have a husband or boyfriend, does not mean you can stop trying. It takes a little bit of effort to keep your sex life from becoming boring and non-existent. Some men cheat because they want to try new sexual things that their current partner will not try.

7. To get revenge.
A man will sometimes cheat if he finds out his partner was cheating on him. How else is he supposed to heal those hurt feelings of his but through good old-fashioned sex?

8. It’s new, different and exciting.
Some men get tired of having steak for dinner every night and want to try a hamburger. The same goes for sex with a woman. That’s why men don’t necessarily always cheat with women who are more attractive than their partners.

9. To see if they can get away with it.
If a man has the attitude of “what she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her,” he may cheat to see if he is sneaky and smart enough to get away with it. However, with all the advancement in surveillance spy ware, getting caught has now become easier than ever.

10. Because you have allowed it in the past.
If you have forgiven a cheating man a couple of times, they are more than likely going to cheat again because they already know if they plead enough, you will forgive them.

Reasons why men cheat can be more complex than the above list or even be a combination of a few different reasons. Nevertheless, no reason is good enough reason to lie and be dishonest. After all, Karma can be a bitch.